The holidays can be a wonderful time but for most, it comes with the looming pressure of “New Year, New Me” Syndrome. Suddenly, all you can see around you are people working on themselves. Getting healthier, growing their businesses, and accumulating skills by the barge-full. Boom! That new year pressure starts to really lay it on thick.
Everyone gets caught up in the craze of new beginnings when time starts looming dangerously close to the uncertainty of the new year. Even more so, when the first week of the year rolls through. If everyone is doing it, you should be too. Right?
Once the pressure gets nice and comfortable quick to follow is the doubt. “Am I doing enough? Hang on, should I be doing more? Working more? Are my goals not big enough? I haven’t been sleeping but should I be waking up earlier”. The fear of falling behind, in a race that exists only in your mind, smacks right into you.
There is this sudden pressure to be more. More beautiful, thinner, hardworking, richer. None of which is wrong. In fact, new beginnings should instil us with the drive for transformation.
However, it isn’t always the siren’s call of change for the sake of betterment that drives us to set these new goals when the year begins.
Sometimes, It is the pressure to be just like everyone else. We push ourselves to breaking point (even if it only lasts till the 7th of the month) to be extraordinary so that we don’t feel left behind.
Humans are genetically coded to stick to the herd, the tribe. A toe out of line meant being exiled. To be exiled meant certain death without the protection of the warriors, food from the hunters and nurturing from the gatherers. To simplify it, if you were different you’d die.
So to thwart the assumed threat of death that you are coded to defend yourself, by taking on one gargantuan task after the other in the hopes that a leader and pioneer will be born from the ashes of the past year all before your patience runs out one week into the new year. All so that you can survive the apocalypse that isn’t actually coming for you. Fingers Crossed.
Growing up you are told over and over that you need to fit in. That you need to be accepted to live a good, happy life. People don’t like those that are different so… Don’t. Be. Different.
This stuck with us and every time we have a thought, want or idea that might deviate from the path most travelled we reactivate that genetic training. Stick to your herd or else.
We must not be different. Different means death. “If I am different, I won’t die, literally speaking but I could be rejected by the majority and that’ll definitely kill me, figuratively speaking.” This. This is why most people fear what is new and/or different from what they are used to.
Around this time there is this need to prove you are using the time you have “well”. You don’t know who set the standards for what “well” is but you trudge along, the blind leading the blind. Following everyone else into the well that our mothers warned us not to jump into just because everyone else seemed keen to do it first.
You can’t be different or you’ll “die” and you can’t be rejected or you’ll “die”. So what do you do?
You put this intense load of pressure on yourself and call it “drive”. You set goal after goal. Even feel incredibly motivated. You say your affirmations and hope that you’ll start believing them eventually. You set your alarms and water reminders but something falls short.
Eventually, the “sudden death” motivation spring runs dry and you start snoozing those alarms and pushing away the mantras because it all just ends up being too much. Remember this – “Too much”
You might not be doing this consciously, even. You might not even realise you’re trying to not be different. You may even say “so & so” inspired me to make these resolutions and I’m really going to do _____________ this year.
When you’re constantly fighting the mandates of your inner defence system it very quickly starts to feel like a losing battle. The system is broken and too few are taught how to fix it. It desperately needs an update or two so it can have it’s redundant “Rejection means imminent death” wiring reprogrammed.
But there must be a reason why correct? I mean everything has a reason. There must be a reason why after all this development and growth that the world has seen that we still succumb to programming. Well, for one. You do what you’re programmed to do.
If the sky is falling there must be some way I can fix it. Han Solo constantly mentioned delusions of grandeur. I call it SS – Superman Syndrome. I will fix it all or die trying. Except, you’re not superman. You’re not a little (not so little) alien from Krypton. So you can’t go back in time. You can’t get more done or correct a decision you made. Nor can you use super speed. You might just die trying or at the very least, burnt out in a week.
Don’t get me wrong, humans are magical. You certainly can do it all. One by one, just not all at the same time.
So why do we constantly crash and burn? Why do we procrastinate and turn mind-altering ideas away? Why do we put ourselves in a position where stagnation is our only option? It all comes down to feeling like you are not enough. That who you are, what you do or have done the last year wasn’t enough.
Do you remember that “Too much”? Well, what’s the opposite of too much? It’s not enough. You give up not because you want to but because your fuel (A.k.a external motivations) has been burned through. There’s nothing to warm up the engine that’s frozen over so it stalls.
That’s when the, “Maybe next year. It’s too hard. It’s not for me. You’d have to be crazy to do this” fever kicks in. And no it’s not because you’re weak or incapable or made differently. It’s because your internal enoughness tank is beyond low.
The Mad Hatter in Wonderland knew what he was talking about. He told Alice she’d lost her muchness. Your Muchness is what makes you- you. You can take a wild guess where your muchness comes from.
Ding Ding Ding! It comes from knowing that you are beautiful, kind, wonderful, intelligent, capable, brilliant, magnificent etc. etc. etc. Just. The. Way. You. Are. That all your quirks make up the special sauce that is you and that it is good enough, always has been.
When you don’t even believe you can do great things why would you ever consider putting in the work to achieve them?
It really does start with you. Everything does. Every stepping stone (what you might call a failure) made you who you are. Every silly quirk makes for the genius that is waiting to be tapped into. You were born believing you could do everything and that when you fell you could just stand right back up and mosey on.
Somewhere along the line with harsh words, thoughts and experiences, you forgot just how fantastical you were. It’s time you remembered.
So this year as you write your goals (always in present tense) add a little note to each of them explaining why you must do this and what about you is so amazing that will make sure you do this and then read it every day while you act on it. Just like it’s written in the picture below.
The new year, resolutions, time – they aren’t your enemy. With the right intentions driving you, and the belief that you have what it takes to accomplish things you will be able to stick to your goals this year. Not to prove anyone wrong or get their attention and approval. Not to be a part of the imaginary race. Not for anyone else, just you.
So be kind to yourself this year. Take the stress off. Focus on filling up that tank. tell yourself you are enough and have always been enough just the way you are. That you make decisions to empower yourself. Just for you and the good you can do in the world and for its people. Focus on being the master of one – (goal, lifestyle, habit, behaviour).
Let your vision for the future, the big picture, be grand but keep in mind –
“Momento Mori” – Remember, you are mortal.
It is okay to accomplish each goal, one at a time. You deserve to have it all and enjoy getting there in one piece too. You’ve got this.
Love,
Amanda